A very Merry Christmas to all readers. Hope you all got amazing gifts and are having or have had a lot of fun, as you read this…
Now, to our monthly dose of mindless entertainment-The Seven Day Story Suckfest (TSDSS [Say it ;)] ). The blog will get updated daily from 25th-31st December, 2008. We are going to have all kinds of stories, some short, some shorter, some dumb, some…well you know it. Right now is almost 1.32 AM on Christmas morning and the first story will be here in less than 24 hours. We don't know what its going to be, and we are in for as much a surprise as you are. Great or what?
On a side note, we are planning to write each of the stories through these seven days on postcards. The kinds that Indian Postal Service sends, which are cheap, (50 Paise or so?) and which can be sent to YOUR address. We'll pick one comment out of the comments on every story and PR boy will contact the person for their snail mail address and mail them a postcard. (if the person is interested and has a valid postal address).
The postcard thing depends on PR boy making a trip to some post office and finding out if they still make those things. If nothing else, it will give something to do to the Indian Postal Service when(and if) the post cards get mailed. And maybe, sometime in future when we are big shot something you can sell the post card in an auction to arrange money for your stay in an old age home. Just a thought.
All you have to do is leave a comment on the story and have a valid postal address in India. Maybe next year we'll have something for any international readers.
PR boy informs us that more people are reaching us on Facebook. Good. Finders keepers, eh?
See ya tomorrow!
*Some people never go mad. What truly boring lives they suffer.—Blackie Lawless.--Contributed by PR boy.
Dec 25, 2008
Dec 22, 2008
The Urge
There were times in his life when he could not control it. The urge bubbled inside him like something alive and potent, kicking and screaming to be let out. He stared at the girl sitting across the table. His first date in many years and he was feeling that old old desire again.
What will she think of me if I do it?
Will she leave, or will she strike me in disgust?
Words rumbled and jumbled in his head, he had to find a way soon or there was going to be trouble. He looked behind him at saw a waiter in the pathway, if only he could reach his leg to the side and trip him and spill those drinks…he found out in a second that he could.
The waiter missed seeing the leg and was soon making acquaintance with the cold floor in a puddle of the drinks he was carrying. Some of it, as intended spilled on the skirt of the girl.
"Excuse me dear, I have to use the rest room." she said and left.
He smiled contentedly, gave in to his urge and started to suck his thumb.
What will she think of me if I do it?
Will she leave, or will she strike me in disgust?
Words rumbled and jumbled in his head, he had to find a way soon or there was going to be trouble. He looked behind him at saw a waiter in the pathway, if only he could reach his leg to the side and trip him and spill those drinks…he found out in a second that he could.
The waiter missed seeing the leg and was soon making acquaintance with the cold floor in a puddle of the drinks he was carrying. Some of it, as intended spilled on the skirt of the girl.
"Excuse me dear, I have to use the rest room." she said and left.
He smiled contentedly, gave in to his urge and started to suck his thumb.
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It's not always about blood, violence and gore. We are going to have a seven day story fest soon. Most probably the last seven days of the year, give me a reminder if you don't see a story here. My PR guy told him that people have been contacting him on Facebook, which is cool, if you can find us, you can add us. Cheers!
N
Dec 14, 2008
The Fucking Talk- Part 3 of 3
There is an asshole in every father and there is an asshole in every son, to think of it there is an asshole in everyone. The walk forward was something that I had always thought of when I was away from this place. There is nothing like the screams of the tormented getting boiled alive in their own blood to put you in a good mood. The path was slick with guts, gore, grime and unknown body parts of both men and beasts, but my feet remembered the old rhythm and the art of walking on such shit.
And on I walked towards the elevator.
I placed my finger on the single button to call the elevator, the pin prick brought back memories from the years I had spent here. A drop of blood stained the button that hungrily sucked it up, becoming a neutral color again. The elevator door opened with a jarring ping. Bright white light poured out from the elevator and I got inside, the doors closed, then opened an instant later and I stepped out in dad's study.
He sat in his swivel chair with his back towards me, looking out of the window at a flock of angels who received the newcomers into Heaven and showed them around. A group of Cherubs flew in circles playing cherubic games with each other, somewhere slow music played, a stream gurgled and birds chirped in wholesome trees.
"This is one fucked up place, son." he said to me without looking in my direction. He swiveled his chair to face me and I saw the lines in his face had deepened, and an extra chin was subtly making its presence felt on his neck. He wore a track suit of a boring color; it was his day off. He didn't offer me a seat so I kept standing.
"Why did you call?" I asked.
"I have done some fucked up things in my time here and one of my biggest mistakes was throwing you down. No hard feelings, but you have to look at things from a PR point of view when you are creating universes and someone decided to fuck with you." he said, seemingly lost in a world of his own.
I waited for him to answer my question.
"And then, you walked away from your responsibilities handed out to you." he looked at me with a dejected look in his eyes.
"I was sick of handling Hell for so long, so I took a permanent early leave."
"I want you to take back control of that place, I cannot manage hell and heaven both at the same time."
"Fuck you very much for calling me but I quit that shit once and for all."
The next few seconds were a blur of anger, hate and madness that streamed from the old man's existence onto me and then I fell again, for nine days and nine nights. I guess, you can only get that far by saying 'Fuck You' to God.
And on I walked towards the elevator.
I placed my finger on the single button to call the elevator, the pin prick brought back memories from the years I had spent here. A drop of blood stained the button that hungrily sucked it up, becoming a neutral color again. The elevator door opened with a jarring ping. Bright white light poured out from the elevator and I got inside, the doors closed, then opened an instant later and I stepped out in dad's study.
He sat in his swivel chair with his back towards me, looking out of the window at a flock of angels who received the newcomers into Heaven and showed them around. A group of Cherubs flew in circles playing cherubic games with each other, somewhere slow music played, a stream gurgled and birds chirped in wholesome trees.
"This is one fucked up place, son." he said to me without looking in my direction. He swiveled his chair to face me and I saw the lines in his face had deepened, and an extra chin was subtly making its presence felt on his neck. He wore a track suit of a boring color; it was his day off. He didn't offer me a seat so I kept standing.
"Why did you call?" I asked.
"I have done some fucked up things in my time here and one of my biggest mistakes was throwing you down. No hard feelings, but you have to look at things from a PR point of view when you are creating universes and someone decided to fuck with you." he said, seemingly lost in a world of his own.
I waited for him to answer my question.
"And then, you walked away from your responsibilities handed out to you." he looked at me with a dejected look in his eyes.
"I was sick of handling Hell for so long, so I took a permanent early leave."
"I want you to take back control of that place, I cannot manage hell and heaven both at the same time."
"Fuck you very much for calling me but I quit that shit once and for all."
The next few seconds were a blur of anger, hate and madness that streamed from the old man's existence onto me and then I fell again, for nine days and nine nights. I guess, you can only get that far by saying 'Fuck You' to God.
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The intro to this story will always remain somewhere in the book of best lines written on this blog. So, there, the final part. If the complete story doesn't make sense then relax, it doesn't make sense to me either, and I wrote this damn thing. The basic idea here is that what if Lucifer was the son of god.There is a dog crying outside here like someone shoved a stick up its ass, and I can hear the whistle of a train somewhere in the background. Time to set this baby to sail. More madness coming your way soon.
Dec 11, 2008
The Black Void- Part 2 of 3
If there was ever a bunch of meaner motherfuckers in Hell, these fuckers in front of me would have eaten them alive and asked for more. From left to right in a neat row stood some of the most fucked up specimens of demonology that even Lucifer had refused to call his own. Still, I had to cross them, one way or the other.
"I, Dumrak." said the demon.
I stood there, looking at him, feeling strangely aloof from the way the whole situation was going to go.
"You," it said pointing the club at me, "dead."
"Aww Fuck!," I said, "Guys, look, wait a second here."
"Hwwgrrrrrr." Dumrak grunted.
"Look, the thing is that I have to cross this place because I have an appointment with the big man on the other side."
Thirty seven multicolored eyes from the horde of demons looked at me like I had told them a funny joke without the punchline. So, I took a deep breath and said, "It's just that it's gonna waste my precious seconds in killing you all."
No sooner did the words leave my mouth that they all charged at me like a herd of maddened elephants. The ground beneath my feet shook and the noise levels of the whole place went up a few decibels with the war cries of all the demons. I just waited for them to get closer.
And closer, and closer.
I could see each individual hair in Dumrak's head quiver with the strain of running with the heavy club in his hand and the rest of the hoard was almost euphoric with the hope of a kill. It was good seeing that they all had not lost the spirit for the hunt, but still, they would all have to go…down.
I tapped my foot once on the throbbing ground and the void opened up all around me. The demons stood on empty blackness for a second, staring up at me with hate, anger and finally fear in their eyes. Then down and down they fell into the darkness, like apples from the tree of knowledge.
The ground became whole again and I walked forward, into the lungs of hell, to meet dad.
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More, in a day or tww, where we put this tail to an end and reveal the identity of the protagonist.
Dec 9, 2008
The Case Of The Bribe- Part 1 of 3
I was almost expecting the 'creeeeeeeek' that followed when I opened the graveyard gate. It was bad sound management though, cuz the rusting iron gate sounded like a termite ravaged wooden door.
Cold tendrils of mist fogged around my feet as I walked on the cemented path between the graves. A full moon shone on the graves and gave the mist an eerie blue color. A cat observed me from its perch atop the cross sign of a grave. It bent its head to the side and looked at me questioningly. The question in its eyes clearly said, "Where the fuck do you think you are going?"
Thankfully, I had the answer in my pocket. I took out the ziplocked plastic bag and opened it, the stench of a freshly dead mouse was no less worse than the stench of a long dead mouse. I kept the mouse corpse on the grave and the cat jumped down from its perch and calmly sauntered down towards me. Clearly ignoring the dead animal, it wrapped itself around my legs, and I obliged by picking it up. The cat rubbed its head on my jacket and I scratched it behind the ears. It looked up at me and said, "Now give me a kiss, pretty boy."
"Oh come on Maggi! Do I have to do this every time?"
"You can do it after I have had my dinner." she smirked and gestured towards the dead mouse chilling on the stone grave.
I bent my head and kissed the cat on its small wet lips.
"Ah ha!," said the cat, "as tasty as always."
"Can I go now?"
"You can but you may not."
I sighed, Maggi could be an irritating bitch sometimes.
"Please." I said.
"Ok handsome, you may proceed."
And Maggi jumped straight on the grave, bull's eye on the dead mouse and disappeared somewhere in the darkness.
I made a symbol in the air with my index finger and the portal to another dimension opened.
Cold tendrils of mist fogged around my feet as I walked on the cemented path between the graves. A full moon shone on the graves and gave the mist an eerie blue color. A cat observed me from its perch atop the cross sign of a grave. It bent its head to the side and looked at me questioningly. The question in its eyes clearly said, "Where the fuck do you think you are going?"
Thankfully, I had the answer in my pocket. I took out the ziplocked plastic bag and opened it, the stench of a freshly dead mouse was no less worse than the stench of a long dead mouse. I kept the mouse corpse on the grave and the cat jumped down from its perch and calmly sauntered down towards me. Clearly ignoring the dead animal, it wrapped itself around my legs, and I obliged by picking it up. The cat rubbed its head on my jacket and I scratched it behind the ears. It looked up at me and said, "Now give me a kiss, pretty boy."
"Oh come on Maggi! Do I have to do this every time?"
"You can do it after I have had my dinner." she smirked and gestured towards the dead mouse chilling on the stone grave.
I bent my head and kissed the cat on its small wet lips.
"Ah ha!," said the cat, "as tasty as always."
"Can I go now?"
"You can but you may not."
I sighed, Maggi could be an irritating bitch sometimes.
"Please." I said.
"Ok handsome, you may proceed."
And Maggi jumped straight on the grave, bull's eye on the dead mouse and disappeared somewhere in the darkness.
I made a symbol in the air with my index finger and the portal to another dimension opened.
Fuck my luck, there was already a line of demons waiting before me.
---
Dec 6, 2008
Three
We're officially three years old. The blog's birthday falls somewhere
in the first few days of december, and with aid of my selective memory
i have conveniently forgotten the date. Anyway, here's to more years
of mirth, madness and mostly bullshit.
Thanks for reading:)
in the first few days of december, and with aid of my selective memory
i have conveniently forgotten the date. Anyway, here's to more years
of mirth, madness and mostly bullshit.
Thanks for reading:)
....
Once A Story A Day recovers from a virus attack on the headquarters,
irregular posting shall resume.
--
Sent from my mobile device
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