Apr 6, 2010

The License to Fuck

Note: Think of a future where the pollution along with the climate and biological changes has mutated the male genes and the government has erased all memories of sex from people's minds because horny people are trouble. So, in such times, those who need a baby need an official Governmental Fucker to procreate on their behalf. They pay money for people with License To Fuck. The thoughts of people are garbled and fucked up, excess TV, junk food, and information explosion has made them stupid. This is the story of one such stupid couple. Needless to say, but I shall say this anyway, fuck off if you're offended easily.


Mrs. and Mr. 50390 had wanted a baby for such a long time. But they didn't have the license, The License To Fuck.
The sky was a musty gray that evening when the hover car floated to a stop outside house number 50390. Mr. 50390 looked at Mrs. 50390 and saw the light of joy in her eyes for the first time in 25 years of their marriage. He was happy too, he was happy for her. He sat on the couch and waited for the Governmental Fucker to barge in through the door. Like they always did. Governmental Fuckers didn't need to knock. All doors were thin air for them. They had the power. Among other privileges.
The man who appeared through the door was an image of slightly less than perfection. His eyes were blue and his hair was black, he was tall with broad shoulders but somewhere something was missing. There was no spark of intelligence in his eyes. His eyes were tired and he was nervous. But he was all Mr. 50390 could afford to get his wife impregnated.

"Please come in," Mr. 50390 said to their guest, even though he was already in, "have a seat."

The man walked to the small couch and sat down across the table where the husband and wife were seated. He said nothing and opened the thin briefcase he was carrying. He took a small cube out of the briefcase, closed the briefcase and set the cube on the briefcase. The cube threw up a spray of mist and the molecules of mist hung in the air to form a screen in which the man started to speak.

"Procreator X2ZZN @50390. Biological Breeding to be initiated by the agent as the subjects don't have a LTF. The agent is geared to breed male chromosomes only."

The husband-wife duo looked mystified at the agent talking numbers and barely intelligible gibberish sentences into the mist. Then, the mist vanished.

He placed the cube back in the briefcase and shrugged. "Datawork. Got to keep the books up to date."

He looked at the husband wife who sat across him, looking at him like dumb sheep. "This is first time for you guys?" the agent asked.

They both nodded in unison.

"Fuck my luck."

"Allright, Mr. 50390, you probably don't want to watch this. Natural insemination is not a pretty sight. No use telling you since you don't have a License To Fuck, but still, you might want to go to another room."

"But this room is all we have," he said, "we sold everything else to get an appointment with you."

The agent looked at the wife. "This might hurt."

She looked back at him, like a terrified but excited animal and nodded.

"The couch it is then." the agent said to himself and started telling the wife everything that happens during the natural process. The husband started setting up and ancient video camera he had bought in a scrap shop. He didn't want to miss his would be son's conception at any cost.

The agent looked at the camera, gave Mr. 50390 thumbs up sign and opened his zipper.

Mrs. 50390 gasped and so did Mr. 50390.


  1. Hah! You imagine such weird stuff man! But it's cool.

    Keep writing! :)

  2. I have just applied for the job!!!!

    The workings of your mind remain a mystery to the sane. Long may it continue to be so.

    That was a little gem old bean. A little gem!

  3. edgy....i like it.....needless to say/...we all hope that day doesnt come

  4. :D

    so when will the application forms be out??

  5. Thanks all, more coming up :D

    Mr. D....you're ace too man :D

    Antriksh..no forms for you naughty boy!


  6. Dude isn't this from a totally crap Sandra Bullock, Sylvester Stallone movie

  7. @crackfire you're thinking demolition man. Nope, not that movie. That was virtual sex. There is nothing virtual about this. It's more of a pathos/humane story.

    And fucking.


  8. ha! Where's da rest of t story? 'that dick goin into pussy' n all?

  9. oh whatay imagination.... I really like that word " Government Fuckers " you can connect with them in literal terms too.

  10. i will kill to write something like this.........uber cool neat stuff

  11. hahahah! funny, and different at the same time.
    This is so good!