All right If I start taking names I will never get out of this place alive. So I'll take the easy way out and sum my feelings up real quick.
A very Happy 2008 to all readers and non readers. This has been a wonderful 2007 in your company and writing stories has never been so much fun with great people like you reading and giving feedback. Feedback is a writer's Vodka, or Mountain Dew, or [ insert furl of your choice].
I wish all the best for you and your families, your pets and your machines in this coming year. May all be healthy and the machines work fine. We need this in these technological times.
May your muse be good to you and provide you inspiration all year long.
Cheers to You!
May God bless you and fuck up your enemies.
N
P.S-- this blog was created in December 2005 and these two years have been most fun. Thanks! :)
Dec 31, 2007
Dec 23, 2007
How to Fool God.
Nine people want to know how to fool God?
Tough titty.
You can't.
-=-=-=-=-=
Next week is going to be a hectic week in life of the typist of this blog. Will try and force him to type the updates for next installments of Equinox otherwise...next week :)
Oh and a very Merry Christmas To All You.
Keep rocking.
Tough titty.
You can't.
-=-=-=-=-=
Next week is going to be a hectic week in life of the typist of this blog. Will try and force him to type the updates for next installments of Equinox otherwise...next week :)
Oh and a very Merry Christmas To All You.
Keep rocking.
Dec 9, 2007
How To Commit Suicide
Failed in exams? Parents don't love you anymore? The one you love is fucking someone else? You hate yourself? People don't read you blog? People read your blog but don't leave comments? Your job sucks? Your boss is a Doof and your co-workers are back-stabbing motherfuckers? The whole world is out to get you?
Chill.We have just the thing you need, fates have guided you to the right blog post, because what you need is a Suicide!
Yes!
Kill Yourself! but [[[How?]]] you ask. The world is full of un-imaginative idiots who have made suicide look like something bad and idiotic, it’s time you took control of your life and the way it should end.It's time You took suicide to a higher level. No stupid cutting, jumping, ropes, guns or poisons involved, this is suicide like you have never heard before. This is what imagination does to you.
Let's not delay the inevitable and move on to the three top slow and steady FUBAR ways to cash in your chips, go west to meet the maker! [why slow and steady you ask? cuz that makes sure you win the race ;)]
1) Fall In Love--- Love, as they say, is the slowest form of suicide. Once in it, you ARE going to DIE. The road to Happily Never After is littered with evil intentions and broken hearts, you walk a mile in a three legged race of love and the road forks. Sweet. Either you succeed and have a "happy ending" [Ending is the keyword here] or you fail and die bit by bit inside. Very interesting and novel way to die, of course half the world is doing it without even realising it. That is what makes this fun.
2) Chase a Dream-- Dreams are nothing but remains of a bad night's sleep. If you go chasing dreams on mountains of hope, your dreams will turn around and bite you in the face. Then they will jump off the mountain and start flying, while your face will be headed on a super-fast Hello to Mr Ground of Reality. That can break a man or a woman, from inside and when you die there, no glue or doctor can join you back again. Chasing dreams is a risky method and a complex one, slow and simple, but sure.
3) Time Travel!- Now, just as you read time travel, 95% of you would get thinking on the Grandfather lines. Well, get original, grab a time machine from the nearby supermarket and zip back to tomorrow and meet yourself. BOOM the universe will explode, tearing apart the trousers of time and there! the most original suicide in the history of the world. Literally!
[and as a bonus method]
4) Read A Story A Day--- Congrats, you are already on your way to the pearly gates pits of hell. Word by word these sentences will crawl in your brain through your eyes and push your brain through your ears till there is no more space left in your head for anything but this fucked up blog. A slow, and a very painful death.
Yup that's all folks! But [there is always a but] I shall leave you with a poem by the great Dorothy Parker!
"Razors pain you, rivers are damp,
Acid stains you, drugs cause cramp,
Guns aren't lawful, nooses give,
Gas smells awful, you might as well live"
© Nothingman
Nov 7, 2007
A Thousand Elephants - 2
Sector pulled the needle out of his chest, clean white plastic grinned back at him. The black liquid somewhere in his body's engine rushed and gushed through his veins. His hand dropped the syringe as he fell forward. Something held out two appendages to break Sector's fall. Two more tentacle like things rushed forward and clasped Sector's body in a tight embrace. A dribble of spit rolled from his lips and his eyes went back in his skulls showing only whites.
"Any second now..." said a voice from the darkness.
As if on a cue Sector screamed, and screamed and screamed. Somewhere inside his head he stood in bright sunlight of an African jungle. Herds upon herds of wild African elephants stampeded upon him. He lay battered and broken in the bright torturous sunlight and started to count.
What seemed like an afternoon tea and biscuit party in Hell to Sector took only one minute and 23 seconds of his life in the club. Hands, tentacles and unmentionable things from the darkness helped him up.
"We hope you didn't take our little welcome, to heart." said a voice colder than the ice in the morgue in the back room of A Thousand Elephants. Sarcasm dripped from the words like ice cream melting from a cone in sahara. Amazingly the voice was convincing and the cockroach of fear in Sector's mind sniffed the air for any hint of a good time.
"You people always miss the heart." he smiled at the darkness and headed for the bar. The bar man slammed a glass full of a greenish black liquid in front of him. A small fin surfaced in the glass and dipped back under the surface. Sector picked the glass and drained it in one go.
Then he chewed.
Hard.
"Gud shtuff dis" he told the bartender, who grinned back, he had only one teeth and looking into the barman's grinning face was like staring into an endless void. The worse part was that it stared back at you.
Sector ordered another glass of Shark Vod, it stirred itself.
The night moved on, making love to humanity, as millions lived, died, stayed alive, and in a small bar called 'A Thousand Elephants' another man who entered started to count.
-=-=-=
I had fun writing this, I hope you had fun reading this. What did you think about this story? Do let me know ;)
Cheers;)
"Any second now..." said a voice from the darkness.
As if on a cue Sector screamed, and screamed and screamed. Somewhere inside his head he stood in bright sunlight of an African jungle. Herds upon herds of wild African elephants stampeded upon him. He lay battered and broken in the bright torturous sunlight and started to count.
What seemed like an afternoon tea and biscuit party in Hell to Sector took only one minute and 23 seconds of his life in the club. Hands, tentacles and unmentionable things from the darkness helped him up.
"We hope you didn't take our little welcome, to heart." said a voice colder than the ice in the morgue in the back room of A Thousand Elephants. Sarcasm dripped from the words like ice cream melting from a cone in sahara. Amazingly the voice was convincing and the cockroach of fear in Sector's mind sniffed the air for any hint of a good time.
"You people always miss the heart." he smiled at the darkness and headed for the bar. The bar man slammed a glass full of a greenish black liquid in front of him. A small fin surfaced in the glass and dipped back under the surface. Sector picked the glass and drained it in one go.
Then he chewed.
Hard.
"Gud shtuff dis" he told the bartender, who grinned back, he had only one teeth and looking into the barman's grinning face was like staring into an endless void. The worse part was that it stared back at you.
Sector ordered another glass of Shark Vod, it stirred itself.
The night moved on, making love to humanity, as millions lived, died, stayed alive, and in a small bar called 'A Thousand Elephants' another man who entered started to count.
-=-=-=
I had fun writing this, I hope you had fun reading this. What did you think about this story? Do let me know ;)
Cheers;)
Nov 2, 2007
A Thousand Elephants
Night crawled into the bed of humanity like a lover with her price already paid.
Sector Nine lit his last cigarette of the day and walked into the city slowly overflowing with the colors of night, all green, red, blue neon from every nook and corner, like a monstrosity with a thousand eyes slowly waking up and opening its eyes one at a time.
Sector was his name and Nine was his number, it was also the number of fingers he had, a sad encounter with a shark somewhere in the Arabian sea had taught him that you can't tell somethings to 'Fuck off'.
For the rest of the world, thought Sector, he still had one middle finger left.
He cursed under his breath at random people and thought about different ways to torture them to admit to sins they had not committed, it just lightened his mood and what was waiting for him needed him to be at his best and lightest mood. He cursed randomly at a passing girl who tripped and screamed as her ankle sprained and she fell to the ground like a sack of potatoes in pain.
Sector grinned his favourite grin and sucked hard on his cigarette. He reached the building he was looking for, the sign above the door said in a kaleidoscopic colors "A Thousand Elephants"
Sector pushed the heavy door and stepped into the chaos. Everyone inside was screaming at the top of their lungs, strange lights flickered at supersonic speeds in the apparent darkness and a hypothermic needle full of a black liquid plunged straight into Sector's heart.
-=-=-=
More Next time! Keep Reading!
Sector Nine lit his last cigarette of the day and walked into the city slowly overflowing with the colors of night, all green, red, blue neon from every nook and corner, like a monstrosity with a thousand eyes slowly waking up and opening its eyes one at a time.
Sector was his name and Nine was his number, it was also the number of fingers he had, a sad encounter with a shark somewhere in the Arabian sea had taught him that you can't tell somethings to 'Fuck off'.
For the rest of the world, thought Sector, he still had one middle finger left.
He cursed under his breath at random people and thought about different ways to torture them to admit to sins they had not committed, it just lightened his mood and what was waiting for him needed him to be at his best and lightest mood. He cursed randomly at a passing girl who tripped and screamed as her ankle sprained and she fell to the ground like a sack of potatoes in pain.
Sector grinned his favourite grin and sucked hard on his cigarette. He reached the building he was looking for, the sign above the door said in a kaleidoscopic colors "A Thousand Elephants"
Sector pushed the heavy door and stepped into the chaos. Everyone inside was screaming at the top of their lungs, strange lights flickered at supersonic speeds in the apparent darkness and a hypothermic needle full of a black liquid plunged straight into Sector's heart.
-=-=-=
More Next time! Keep Reading!
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